Can't Make It Alone
by CDinga22
Summary: "A man stops livin' the minute he doesn't have hope for tomorrow." This story starts out in the farm era, events will be different than the show. BETHYL. All reviews are appreciated, good or bad(:
1. Chapter 1

Beth

Beth blinked open her eyes, hoping, praying it had all been a bad dream. The shimmering daylight crept in her room from the small windows. She heard her father's voice, and hoped it was a call that supper was ready, or that shewas late  
for school.

Her father was smiling but there was a sadness in his eyes that told her that everything she remembered, had indeed happened. Her stepmother, the woman who had raised her and was just as much a mother to Beth as the one who had given birth to her, was  
dead. She'd been dead for a while now. Despite what her father had said, she hadn't been sick, she'd been a corpse. A living, breathing, yet unfeeling corpse.

Beth wished it had been anyone but her father's face that she saw. The sight of him made her angry. Maybe that was unfair, he could tell her father was just as hurt as she was.  
But, after all the lies, all the deception he had caused. She couldn't seem to look him in the eyes.  
Her whole life she had accepted her father's beliefs at face value, and made them hers. But she had it thrown back in her face. She began to question other things her father had told her. His main belief was of course in the Bible, but she  
didn't even know if she believed that anymore. What kind of god let this happen to his flock?

Part of Beth knew she was reacting selfishly; she could see the stain of tears on her father's pale cheeks. But even if he had the best intentions in the world, he had lied to her.

She was just as upset with herself, as her father. Beth had been blind sighted by her own ignorance. Hershel hadn't let her anywhere near the barn. Only him, Otis and Jimmy had been allowed to feed those people, those creatures. When Otis died, it was  
just Jimmy and daddy. Maggie and Beth were kept very far away from the situation, and as a result, from reality itself.

Maggie had seen what they were really capable of in the pharmacy but she hadn't explained to Beth. Not properly. They had protected her and that had made her weak.

Beth was glad that they had brought that man with the injured leg back to the farm, Randall was it? It meant there were less people hovering around her, trying to make her feel better. They don't understand, it isn't easy losing someone you  
love. She looked at Jimmy's face and Patricia and Maggie, and she felt nothing.

The pain had eased into a great cavernous nothing in her chest. Beth was numb. She wasn't supposed to feel like this. The only emotion she could truly identify was a tendril of fear working its way through her mind. She did not want her end to be the  
same as her mother's. She didn't want her last act in the world to be trying to hurt someone she loved. She couldn't let that happen. Besides, living anymore isn't worth the pain she felt.

Beth hadn't been thinking clearly when she had taken the knife off the plate of food but as soon as the handle was gripped firmly in her fingers, she felt sure. Beth had never thought of suicide before that moment but as she hid the knife under  
her pillow she felt determination rising in her stomach. It was a choice that she could make for herself.

If death was all that waited outside of the walls of the house then what's the point of even living? Daddy said he doesn't know how this whole thing started, and that means he doesn't know if it will even end.

Lori approached her with a mix of sympathy and disappointment in the tone of her voice when she had found the knife. Beth had stared at the woman and said some nasty things in an icy detached voice that Beth didn't even know she had. Beth had never said  
a nasty word to anyone in her life but now she was cruel to Lori. She saw the impact her words had but Lori didn't budge on the issue. Beth just ended up with a baby sitter.

Maggie had flown into her room in a flurry of rage. But her scolding did nothing to deter Beth. She even tried to persuade Maggie that this was a good idea. If Maggie ended the pain with Beth right now, they'd both be done with it all.

When Andrea walked into the room, she expected more of the same. But something was different. She realized she could see herself reflected in Andrea's eyes. The same hurt, the same fear. Beth wanted to know how anyone lived like this. The world felt muted  
and colourless, like it was separated from her by a barrier she couldn't see.

"The pain doesn't go away. You just make room for it," Andrea said before leaving the room.

Beth hurried to the bathroom. She shut the door with a click, not wanting the sound to attract attention. She locked the door, feeling eerily calm. She clenched a towel in her left hand and hit the mirror. She had to hit it three times before it shattered.

By then she could hear Maggie's shouts outside the door. There was a pounding on the door and Lori's voice was added to Maggie's. Beth ran a shaky hand through her hair. "No goin' back" she said to herself.

She picked up the glass shard, tuning all the commotion out. If they didn't understand now then they would soon. When everyone they loved was dead and that was all they had left in their future, they would see she was right.

Beth's hand trembled slightly as it hovered over her upturned wrist. She knew how to do it. Vertical, down the vein and deep enough.

There was a crack of wood and Beth knew she hadn't much time before Maggie, Lori and who knows who else, broke down the door. With a deep breath, she hastily dragged the ragged glass shard down her skin, pressing hard.

There was no pain, just the captivating sight of blood against her pale skin. Then everything came rushing in and the pain started. While at first the blood had thrilled her and felt like achievement, now it made her sick. The cut hurt more than anything.  
Whatever wall had been building around her heart came crashing down and Beth could see everything so clearly. Her sister's panicked shouts were ringing in her ears.

And Beth realised that she didn't want to die. It was like a wave rising inside her until it had nowhere to go but to spill out of her body. With a shuddering sob she clutched at her wrist. She twisted the door handle enough for Maggie and Lori to come  
in. Maggie's wide eyes took in the blood.

"I'm sorry," Beth wept as Maggie took her in her arms. She was aware of Lori grabbing the towel and using it to put pressure on her wrist. Beth hissed at the contact. She could feel everything now.

Maggie held her and rocked her like a small child and that's what Beth felt like. Confused about everything except her sudden need to live. All the emotions she had pushed away were now wearing inside of her. Grief, anger, fear.

The look on her father's face as he stitched up her arm gently unnerved Beth. He looked so hurt and bewildered by her choice. She already felt guilty. There was still the pain too. It was like fire up her arm and Beth welcomed it. It was evidence that  
she had failed.

It'd been an hour since she almost  
ended her own life. She still felt the twinge of pain shooting up her right wrist. Jimmy rushed in the door, having just heard the news. He was at a loss for words. That didn't surprise Beth. Almost nobodY spoke to Beth right after the  
event had transpired, but she could feel their words flowing through their emotions.

He took a seat on the bed. He was just close enough to reach out and take her hand. His fingers were warm around hers but she couldn't take much comfort from the contact. She could see that despite his sympathy, he didn't understand.

Jimmy was convinced he loved her but Beth wasn't so sure. She liked Jimmy but she didn't know if it was love or not. Maybe if the world hadn't ended she wouldn't have even thought about it. She would have just enjoyed being a seventeen year old with a  
boyfriend. Maybe she had been taking for granted that she still had people who cared about her? She had lost her mother and her brother but she still had more than most. She didn't think Jimmy was the love of her life, but he was always there  
for her. In this world, that's basically the same meaning of love, and right now,love is important. Without love, you die. Nobody can make it alone anymore.

Jimmy eventually left her alone, leaving her to her thoughts. She saw Rick and Shane return with their hostage. At the sight of Shane, Beth sat upright in her chair, her whole body going tense.

Beth had never felt such pure hatred for another person before Shane had opened the barn. He had always intimidated her but now she despised him. As if he sensed Beth's glare, he flicked his eyes towards her window but the angle of the sun prevented him  
from seeing her clearly. The look on his face made her shiver.

Beth tucked her knees underneath her, wrapping her arms around her body. There was so much violence and anger in him that it was a wonder he hadn't done anything before now.

Maggie came into her room, taking Jimmy's place.

"Apparently we went to school with him," Maggie said quietly. Beth looked over her shoulder at Maggie. She looked perplexed. "I saw you lookin' at the boy Rick is holdin'. He went to school with us."

"I don't recognize him," Beth answered. She had only gotten glimpses of him but she couldn't place his face.

"He was in my year I think," Maggie said, her forehead creasing as she tried to remember. Maggie was a couple of years older than her so that would explain why Beth didn't recognize him.

"There were a lot of kids at school," Beth said. She could read guilt on Maggie's face. She knew her sister was thinking that if she knew him then he could stay. That she'd know whether to trust him or not.

Beth had always been good at reading her older sister. They'd been close and Beth had missed her when she'd left for college. They'd had fights before but they'd always passed quickly. This was the first time Beth could remember not being able to share  
something with Maggie.

"You scared me today," Maggie said softly. Her voice was raw with emotion.

Beth swallowed, feeling her tears starting to flow, wishing she could have come to the conclusion she wanted to live without almost ending it.

Beth didn't have more words. An apology stuck in her throat. Maggie sighed and motioned towards the kitchen. "If you need anything, I'll be out there. I love you, Beth."

Beth again didn't respond. It wasn't as if she was trying to ignore her sister, she just didn't know what to say. She wished she had a way to make Maggie's pain go away. Make everyone's pain go away.

Beth tilted her head back against the chair and closed her eyes and tried to organize her thoughts. She was alive, her heart was still pounding in her chest but the sadness still resonated in her body, chilling her to the core. Beth still had to  
figure out how to go on. She would just put one foot in front of the other, take one breath at a time, and hope she had the strength to continue.

She then remembered an old quote her father used to say when she or Maggie were upset.

A man begins to die when he ceases to expect anything from tomorrow

At the moment, the only thing Beth knew for sure is that she wanted space. Andrea had gotten one thing right; she needed to work things out on her own. If only everyone would stop tiptoeing around her like she was made of glass. Beth knew she should  
sleep, the past two days have been the hardest of her life. She obviously hadn't gotten too many hours of sleep lately. Beth threw back the covers and tried to ignore the twinge of pain in her arm. There would be a scar there for the rest of  
her life. Forever reminding her of the pain she felt, but also the pain she had caused.

Beth grew anxious in bed and needed some fresh air. She was quiet as she moved through the house. She had grown up in this house; she knew every creaky floorboard, every corner. She could walk it blindfolded. Beth was careful not to wake anyone.

She opened the front door and walked out onto the porch. She took a deep breath of the crisp night air. Winter was coming, she could feel it. The fresh air made her nerves tingle and she felt good. It was refreshing not to be under scrutiny. With no one  
watching she could just be how she wanted to be.

There was movement further down in the shadows and Beth jumped.  
"Who's there?" Beth said, her voice trembling in the crisp air.

"Just me," a rough voice said. Beth recognized the gravelly voice. It belonged to Daryl, one of Rick's group.

She didn't hate Daryl like she hated Shane, she barely knew him, but he did make her uncomfortable. Beth remembered the day Andrea had shot Daryl. She had to help bring him back into the house.  
As he touched his dirty skin she realized his necklace was made of ears. Human ears, the ears of the dead. The knowledge of his back which was scarred and bloodied made Beth feel awkward around him. She was too aware of what his shirt hid,  
he had been abused. Somebody used to whip him. Beth had never met anyone who had been abused and never knew what to say to him.

"I didn't know anybody else was out here," Beth said in a rush when Daryl made no move to leave. He just leant on the porch railing staring out into the darkness. "I can leave," she offered.

Daryl actually looked at her properly now. Beth caught a glimpse of his face and his flashing eyes. It was like he was only just registering who was there with him.

"Your house, your rules." He replied.

They lapsed into silence. It was a self-conscious silence for Beth. She felt compelled to break it but didn't know what to say. Daryl himself seemed perfectly content to not talk.

Eventually she ended up replicating Daryl. She leaned her elbows on the porch railing but kept some distance between them. Her injury was aching still and her arm felt hot. She put her other hand on top of the skin. It was cold from reting on the railing.  
The coolness soaked through her bandages.

"Ya do that to yourself?"

The question was unexpected, and she looked around awkwardly. She flushed in embarrassment. She didn't want to answer the question, she was just thinking how nice it was not to have to listen to everyone's opinion on what she had done, but he would know  
the truth by now so there was no point denying it.

"Yeah, why?" Something about the way he had asked made her feel defensive. Maybe it was just the way he naturally spoke, like he thought you were an idiot, but something about his tone made Beth think he was being deliberately confrontational.

"You're weak, nowadays the weak don' survive."

Beth's jaw dropped open. She didn't know what to expect but it hadn't been that. "Excuse me?" she spluttered.

Daryl just laughed as if she was pathetic. "Forget about it." He said as he went to walk past Beth.

Beth was usually a calm person, Maggie was the passionate one in the family, but something about Daryl had gotten under her skin. She didn't know what motivated her but she grabbed Daryl's arm as he tried to push past her.

"What did I ever do to you?" she demanded, trying to keep her voice low.

"Oh I'm sorry, princess. Did you expect sympathy?"

"You don't know me," Beth said, taken back by the venom in his voice.

"I've known people like you my whole life. Life get's tough and you start lookin' for the easy way out, payin' no mind to who's left behind."

"My mother-" Beth stopped because talking about her mother was painful. She swallowed and ignored the angry tears that threatened to run down her face. "My mother has just died. I jus' thought it was the only option."

"My brother was handcuffed to a pipe and he cut off his own hand to survive. I crawled up a cliff with an arrow in my gut to survive. You've had it easy your whole life I'm guessin'."

Daryl walked past her, and Beth felt the tears stream down her cheeks once again. She just wanted her mother, she wanted it all to be over. 


	2. Chapter 2

Alright guys! Thanks for reading! As much as I did like writing as Beth I've decided to make this story multiple POV. Let me know who in the group you want to hear from!

Dale

Dale sat, perched atop the RV. He always carried a rifle with him, you never know what can happen. What he had learned the past few weeks is whatever can happen, will happen.

"Dale I'm heading out with Daryl, we're gonna go look for Sophia." Andrea said, peeking her head up the RV ladder.

"Be safe Andrea." Dale responded. She rolled her eyes at him, she had been doing that a lot lately. But that was better than her utter loathing for him following what had went down at the CDC. She had started to forgive him, talk to him. He felt as if  
Andrea were his own daughter now, after losing his daughter a month before all of this happened.

He called out for Glenn to take his watch, he had more important things to do than gaze down at the corn rows. He wanted to talk to Rick before the vote. Everyone was voting that day on what to do with Randall.

He quietly crept into the house, thankfully he was sitting across for Hershel at the kitchen table. Hershel was the one person who stood with Dale on this issue.

"Rick, can I talk to you for second." He said, gesturing towards the barn.

Rick looked up from the newspaper he clenched in his fists. The paper was most likely more than a month old. "Yeah. Why don't we take a walk." Rick then looked at Hershel and nodded his head goodbye.

"Okay, Dale. I value your opinion, but this time, I think it's wrong."

Dale hadn't planned the conversation to start off like that. He didn't know how to respond, how to begin to negotiate.

As they walked down towards the barn, they continued their debate. "What're you going to do? Kill him? Rick, this isn't us! It can't be! If this is what we've become than I don't want to be a part of it." He said, putting out his best pitch trying to  
persuade Rick to let Randall live.

"I can't put them—" He pointed up at Carl and Lori seeming to be reading a book. "I can't put my family in danger." He continued. "You're apart of that family now, Dale. We need you, and I'm sorry. My vote is to get rid of him."

Dale just looked at Rick in astonishment. He didn't quite know how to react. Rick showed empathy to Dale, saying he cared about him. But also was sentencing another man to his inevitable death. He just kept walking until they got all the way to the barn.  
The only one there was Shane, watching Randall with an intense, hateful glare.

"C'mon Rick. Let's just get this vote over with and get him out'ta here." Shane said, finally breaking his gaze at Randall.

Dale didn't much care for Shane. Certain things that have transpired led him to believe he had killed Otis down at the school.

Dale heard the truck finally pull up to the farm. They had been waiting for Otis and Shane to return with the medicine for hours now. He saw Shane get out of the driver's seat, he was wearing a faded red t-shirt that was covered with blood. Everyone knew  
what had happened when Shane just faced them and put his head down.

"They trapped us in the school, he said 'Go, get out'ta here' and he ran at the holdin' 'em back. I couldn't have gotten out of their without him. I'm sorry." Shane said as he pulled the medical supplies out of the back seat. A tear streamed down Shane's  
face as he walked towards the group.

Dale could hear Patricia's faded screams, while he and Rick had went to greet Shane. As Rick and Shane shared an embrace, Dale noticed a clump of hair missing from Shane's head. It was bleeding. At first, his initial thought was the walkers must've ripped  
it off.

As he got a closer look of the hair he realized it hadn't been maimed by walkers. Shane had gotten into a fight with someone down at that school.

Rick agreed to get the vote started and called everyone to come into the house. He and Shane walked up to the house together, with Dale behind.

Dale knew how this vote would end up, and it was not in his favor. He would have a chance at one final plea to everyone before they voted. He had just hoped the people he cared about most, Glenn, Andrea, and T-Dog, would see the situation for what it  
really was. If they decided to kill Randall, it wasn't in defense, it was murder.

Thanks everyone! If you read it, tell my why you liked it (or why you didn't)! Thanks! 


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